you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
