Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
