i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
