You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
