I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize