his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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