soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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