i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
