I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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