fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
