Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
