Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
