he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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