Don't you send me to vm
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
