Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
