So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
