I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
