I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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