WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
