You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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