wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize