I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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