Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
