You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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