I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
