Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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