i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
