were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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