neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
