pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize