I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
