But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
