you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's never too late to be topless.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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