Pappa wants mamma naked
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
