I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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