Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
