You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
