Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
