my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
if only i could text you this smell
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
