You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
