I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
only you would photoshop your dick
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
