so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
