do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
