So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
