i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
