I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
