at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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