i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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