I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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