I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
