no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
