i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
4 words: hood of his car
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
