Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
