i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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