I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
