my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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