hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
