did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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