i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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