oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
