my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
