When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
