So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
