So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize