I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
