I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
