sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize