Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
