Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
