this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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