Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
