either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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