Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
