You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
