one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize