why didn't you poke me back
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
