exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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